"New year, new hopes, new dreams" is my next entry before the new year. Last entry for 2008. While I move on and welcome the exciting 2009, at the same time I reflect back on this year. Well quite an exciting year for me, however, I don't really feel that it was really a good year.

This is because, I was enlisted and must under go a two years confinement period, not I choose to, but a must as a citizen here. Currently six months plus in the service. Not enjoying in fact, but got to know many different faces who are in the same boat as me, all waiting to serve and go. My first day of enlistment, was in fact the worse not only this year, but my entire life. The waiting till the actual day falls. I really tried all my ways to enjoy as much as I could during my remaining days. Friends were always there for me, appreciated and thats when you find them important. On actual day, never really slept well, got up very early. Family send me off to an unknown island, where there will be my basic military trainings take place. One of my best girl friends, came by and bid me farewell, even brought me a cheese cake, was so touched. In the end, I left them reluctantly and was welcome by the new, unfamilar environment.

I never really experience living outside alone, and really fear how am I even able to cope with life at there. First night, calling home back, for the very first time was so unusual. It was like I really start to miss home and everything there. Talking to your family makes you feel like crying, but I hold back my tears bravely. Now it's like been more than six months in my national service life. Already used to it in fact and counting down to the last day of service. Another good thing this year was night cycling, which was first time done in this years, and I done it so far twice only.

During the late night, while everyone were asleep and doing other night activities, me and my group of friends will gather at east coast park. From there, we would rent bicycle and cycle all the way to pasir ris and return only on the next day in the early morning. Before heading off, we would settle dinner first and get enough water for the whole journey. Then we would start off and chat during the whole journey to ensure that we do not feel bored. we would roughly spend around 3 hours plus to just reached changi village. Upon reaching there, we would enjoy a good, well deserved supper there. The famous nasi lemak, thnk of it now, I suddenly got the strong cravings for it.

Then we would make our way to my sister's place located at pasir ris. On our way there, we would past by the famous loyang tua beh kong temple and without fail, will stop by there to make our prayers and offerings. After that, head towards pasir ris to rest, by then it would be three plus am. About five thirty, we would get ready, and replenish ourselves and prepare for a long journey back to the same place. Everyone will be very tired by then, however, we will still make it back without fail. Enjoyed it and those were the good times i enjoyed this year. This year i learnt many things and got many new items for myself. Most importantly, I lost alot of weight and gone past the bad times. Used to be eighty five kilograms, now my current weight stands at sixty five kilograms. I'm very determined and willing to make any sacrifices to maintain it.

As for my coming year ahead, I wish for nothing but blessings for everyone, my friends, family. New year come by, I'm growing older again, really wish I could remain younger always, really missed my younger days, seriously, so memorable, those were really the days. I my hope is to have a girl whom i really wish i could meet whoever she is, it's been really long I got into a relationship and I think I'm really mature now to settle for one. But I will leave it to fate, whats mine will be mine, so no rush. My dream is a simple one, experience my past again, be it childhood or those school days, I really desired to relie it once again, just for once, not too much, I would be satisfied. Last of all, everyone reading right now, have a great new year ahead, be blessed and happy always.

My next entry titled "My childhood" will debut next Monday 5th January.

"Christmas season" is a title of my entry this week. As christmas approaches, i hereby wish all my readers a merry christmas, and may all your dreams come true. To me, every christmas i spend since young, was memorable and sweet. Each hold a strong symbolic and meaningful to me. Silence, yet beautiful evening of the eve, the december wind blew strongly as ever, although i never seen snow in my life, however, I wished I could experience it if ever i got a chance, to simply celebrate a white christmas, I would just be contented.

When i was young, christmas was celebrated at home, just like another family gathering event, which would just naturally bring us together. Unlike traditional christmas celebration, food served on the dining table, would be different each year. Not the usual hot favourite, turkey and those honey baked hams. It would rather instead be fried finger foods, fried bee hoon specially stired-fried over and over again by my mum, that fragrances, even till today, unforgettable. Noisy and lively, toys will be the hottest topic of discussion for me with my cousins, comparison between each other, was like a mini war at that time. Perhaps, young was precious, innocence and just like another exciting day for me. I just could not describe, how much fun and how much i really enjoy gathering during christmas with my family. It's the sense of belonging, where you belong to this huge organisation structure, and not being left alone, and i mean never, they just care for you and shower as much love.

Those were the younger days, where i would just snatched a sit with my cousins, to see who got the best sit with the best food item around. But always ended up being scolded by my parents. After our delicious dinner, my parents, along with my other relatives, we would go to different places of attactions, to feel the atmosphere of christmas. Usually, would visit Orchard Road, where the usual crowd would be more than ever. To capture the most beautiful lighting sceneries in town. Snapping of pictures, to ensure that it will be remembered that we were once there as every christmas would be a historic and different one. Later, we would make our way towards the near-by Singapore River, and enjoy a ride on the traditional chinese boat, and view the beautiful sceneries of the night. Really wished, i was back there again, when i was younger, no need to worry so much like now.

Followed on, i grew older, and my christmas eves were all usually spend with my close group of friends. My family would then have their own celebration still on, however, my other cousins like me, rarely would even show face and like me, choose to stay out with friends and celebrate till late night. We would gather at a meeting point, which most probably is at Orchard Road. Then we would discuss for a place to settle for dinner, usually not very expensive, just some hawker fare meal, like our normal routines of meals. Talking over a common topic, drinking our cold drinks, as simple as it may seems, but this would be the just right christmas for us. Around later nights, we would head down the main of Orchard Road, and get some bottles of foam from those road side sellers. Preparing to have a big foam spraying party.

Once the countdown start, our hands are all well prepared and merry christmas!! Spraying of foams would be all over the place. Stamina don't seems to run out as fast than usual, we were just jumping, running and basically having fun with each other, nonetheless, even strangers whom we do not know. Such events like this, just bring the bonding, closeness and understandings between each other. I know very well that with them, i will never ever feel alone or outcast. Most importantly of all, the meeting up, it's something that we might not have time to fufill when we grow older, as everyone would have their own lives by then. How many times can one enjoy youth, it flies past us by surprise, by then it would only be too late as we can only look back and only wished that it would happened again.

This coming christmas, will still be celebrating, excitingly looking forward for it. Doing the usual stuffs again, but it's like once a year, so i really treasure and cherish this chance not to miss it no matter what. Finally, i would hope for a simple wish, friends around me whom I know, every single one of you, stay happy and healthy, thats all. As for my family, I love them and without them, I will never be here today writing, they are the most important assets of my life and no doubt i can't live without them, my wish is simple let this time I'm spending with them be eternity thats all. Christmas is not in tinsel and lights and outward show. The secrets lies in an inner glow. It's lightings a fire inside a heart. Good will and joy a vital part. It's higher thought and a greater plan. It's glorious dream in the soul of man.

My next entry is titled "New year, new hopes, new dreams" debut next Monday 29th December.

"The power to trust" titled after by an unwanted ending love story of her life. My friend, she to me, cheerful, happy always. But does anyone goes around showing that they are really happy. True happiness is kept within yourself. To what extend can one trust in relationship. As far as I know, there is now words that can explain it. Only seeing it yourself, and she is an amazing being, that even me, have to put both hands down and say i give up. I know her quite a while, but at least near six months, we don't talk often, however, we are still friends, and i believe there are unlimited time for us to know more about each other in near future.

My impression of her, simple, stubborn, determined and most of all trustful to her love one. These are the three strong components that what I really felt is her point to love, and also her weakness, causing her downfall, time and again. No one in this world is ever strong. I dare say, each and everyone of us holds a weakness. She spend almost all of her time for him, love was once sweet, and at times sour, but she was always believing and trusting in this relationship. Holding on strongly even till the end. To me, the guy, I can only say, he had no idea that he was the most fortunate man on this earth, to have a girl loving so deeply, with no complains, just as simple as wanting him to be more caring and love her more. What can I say, as an outsider's view, I see it as she owe him in her previous life.

The most horrible things was, this guy here, has been two timing her, not once, not twice but quite a number of times. Each ending off she crying and left all alone with all the problems. While he happily enjoyed. However, stubborn enough, she chose to believe him time and over again. Perhaps i guess only the power of love can allow her to do so. Forgiving and starting all over again, was like a daily routine for her. It's not that she was stupid, but please understand, she was just acting out of her will. Meaning that was totally normal for her to react, just like a normal way to react something, nothing wrong what. Each time she caught him red handed, each time the pain pierce through her fragile heart, How much can one take, even the greatest being will fall too one day. But i feel that she deny reality, chose to believe her stand, believing him, and even trying to savage the relationship. It's not even her fault, but she is doing a two mans job. It's like playing double roles, maintaining the balance and everything all alone.

I feel that how could such a nice girl suffer such punishment, or putting it in a nice way, was she blinded by love, no one knows only her. Is loving someone so painful and tiring, but all i could say is, as her friends, i witness her, struggle to hold on, the trust, the fear to lose, even her close best sisters and friends around her, told her to give up, and that it was not worthy, she deserved someone even better. But, she choose and still decided not to heel their advice. But innocencely, decided that there was nothing to lose anyway, but just to put it all on the line. Days goes by like normal, but to her, each day resemble hopes and every moment was like a chance for her. Her vision was all him, addicted to him, and somehow, drowned by his love.

But how could she even able to forgive him time and again for his grave mistake, or should i say, a man's worse mistake, I know human being do make mistakes, but once is ok, not all the time. But I still don't really understand she was still able to forgive him, perhaps, she really needed him, like one say desparate people do desparate things, she will do the wildest things beyond your imaginations. However, I really felt sorry for that guy, why, because simple, he had got such a good girl, devoted, forgiving, and most of all so devoted to him. She was like a rare gem, kept by him selfishly, but she however was willing to be kept by him, where can we find such a person, nowadays, I guess should be extincted already.

But, everyone got their limit, never go over board or even cross the line. The end result will never be good and will really be an impactful one. And indeed it happened, she finally could not take it anymore, after forgivings and waitings. Chances going down the drain, she finally woke up from her dreams, lucky for her everyone felt that she finally woke up from the coma. It's been long, but it was never too late for anything. If you are willing to start making the first big step, everything will start a big change for you, and even lady luck will be smiling at you. After a few month getting over him, she got herself a new lover partner, someone who cherish her, love her, and attentive to what she do for him, and most importantly, appreciating the effort made by her. The big bonus is that they were staying very near each other. To her, i wish that she could go on well in this relationship, and may god bless her because she is really a nice girl, and finally you broke free from your past, your are not stupid, just blinded by love thats all and having the strong power to trust only. Enjoy life and take care, you've got a bright future ahead.

My next story is titled "Christmas season" debuts next Monday 22th December 2008

"Us and united" is titled for my group of very good bunch of brothers. In fact its nearing four years already and we are moving on stronger. I believe that although everyone now are much busier with indivdual stuffs, but no matter what, we will make it an effort to celebrate each others birthday, no matter how busy we are. Trying to really keep in contact maybe harder now than we used to during our school days, but we understand that as long as we each and everyone are remembered, we will not be left out.

Knowing this bunch of friends during 2005, was quite an unexpected experience for me at first. I never expect to be part of their group too, not carrying much hopes, and seriously, I've never experience before going out with a group of people like at least ten people. And to actually being accepted and clique with them, was a bonus for me. I never do anything much, but just be myself, and soon i am enjoying myself with them. Like many other people who envy people who have a group of good friends going out together, I'm really very proud and happy going outing with them most of the time. It's the sense of belonging i feel being with them. Doing things that I never tried making the first moves before. My curosity grew too and learn many things never done before in my life. For one thing i really know is that, looking forward and excited was how i felt for every outing that i was with them. The first place we hang out was at orchard road, lucky plaza, arcade, those were the friday nights, staying out late and chilling out together, looking at pretty babes. As simple as it may seems, but thats how we spend our friday nights.

I also got to thank them, that was how my pooling skills improved. Competing against each other, and we were hanging out places where ever possible that could hold us. Drinking and smoking were part of us, babes walking around were like entertainment road show, chatting together is called bonding. Days were never boring when I'm with them. Each of them whom i know were special and unique to me. Each hold deep and good impression for me. Another memorable experience was our first ever sentosa trip together. Still could not forget how excited i was at that time, and i truly feel so excited that the night before i could not sleep at all. Perhaps, that was how important i felt at that time. 2005 was also the year i got my first tattoo with them and never regret that day when a group of them followed me down.

Soon, after they we all graduated, everyone started to really get busy with their own stuffs. Some even said, thats the end of us, can find another group of friends. However, i brush of those thoughts and tell myself, never will i find another group of friends already. They are my first and last group and they are irreplacable. No matter what, we must hold on and still meet. We did so and really still got try to make it a point going out at least weekly. Understanding and bonding grew stronger. I will never forget during december 2006, one of my good friends birthday, I truly finally understood and was touched on that night, we were hugging and crying with each other. The first time ever i witness something like this. I shall not reveal what really happened, but just precisely the moment when we cried and comfort each other. The first time also i saw my friends soft side, and touched by the brotherly love. To cry for a friend to me only can mean how important he or she meant to you.

We often drink so usually, when we drink, we end up drunk, and sometimes ending up one crying or saying how much they really feel. Drunk people are the most true, it's when you really express out how you feel, instead sober is masked and where all secrets are kept. I usually don't get drunk, but only really get drunk during my birthday. That when everyone really will look after each other and care for each other. And most of the time, each got their story to tell. Usually I'm helpless at times, but just being a good listener will be a good role to play. Just being there for them was truly what i really enjoy. So usually drinking, was always a very good excuse for us to meet up and chill out together. Which is also something good and a solution to meet up.

Seriously, how I personally feel right now is, I hope we will try really meet up as much as possible, although I know it's hard, but never say no unless tried, giving up is quitter. I really do not want it to end up everyone forgotten and seperated at the end. Some say at home got parents, alone got girlfriend, but when you are outside, you need friends and they are the most important of all. you can have family and relationship problem, but you can always be assured that there is always a friend standing by for you. Willing to help, advice, accompany, listen and most of all let you feel their presence there, and that you are never alone. They to me are very important to me and I dare say that I need them. I won't say that i know each of them very well and understand them. But I dare say that when needed, I will be there and be what a friend should be. From now on, starting as of next year, I will start to be the organiser of our outings. I will not see our group of us going down the drain, we will all stand tall and remain united. Being able to know all of you all, I've got no regrets, it's once in a life time, and i truly cherish those times and days we spend. Thanks sincerely to you all for being there for me when needed. I feel a strong importance I am to you all, and rest assured, every single one of you all are as important to me and not left out. We started as a bunch of cockster, and we will end as one. What are friends for, friends are forever and will be part of your memories. Shi Hao, Marcus, Wei Liang, Vincent, Alex, Zhi Xian, Aloysius, Kiat, Jonathan, Eng How, Rui Rong. Thanks for being there when needed, appreciated sincerely.

My next story is titled "The power to trust" will debut next Monday 15th December 2008

"Forced or fated" is my a title of my own story. To me, i only believe now, what's yours will eventually be yours, cause i only know that fate is the bridge to everything, joining it together. Forcing will not only hurt, but cause a deep scar to be there forever.

Why do people have the strange desire to force what they want. I don't blame them seriously, cause every human will never be satisfied and giving up so easily to something they desire so much. Its the passion that keep everyone moving on, the urge for one to helplessly jump forward continuely, even though you know obviously its a dead end ahead. It's like a spell, so addictive. Should i say that you are not yourself, or is it the real you unleashing out. Like some say, your true self will never be out, unless you are being forced out of it.

The fact that people feel that forcing is a way to make a strong statement, some like i want it means i want, a stubborn and strong firm decision to want something. Force maybe the harshest and meanest way to get something, but sometimes a bit of force is needed for that bit of effort not to be gone to the waste. Forcing can make one hate you but, you rather she hate you then not trying and regret which is pointless by then. Is it a must, to me i guess not, but this is only my own point of view. What i feel that if you are fated to know someone or even be friends, it's all predestinated already, which is something so special that you enjoys once in a lifetime. It's like a gift, so special that don't come by so easily, even with the charm of good luck.

Fate something that bring people together, from foes to friends, from friends to couples and even friends to best friends. It's like god's will and it was meant to be happening this way, its like a play, set in the stage, and everyone waiting for a happy ending. But fate is reality, and we all know reality is cruel at times. Appearing at different moments and give you surprises. Sometime things are fated to be taken away from you, in the most cruel or harshest manner, and you can be sad and depressed, but after all is over, you are still you, back at square one, only to learnt it the hard way, needless to say accepting the fact.

Fated to know someone, i cherish and appreciate everyone around me. The older i grow, i came to realise that losing is faster than gaining. I only learnt that, i might be fated and born to feel this way. People who knows me don't really know me. I don't blame them, just that i enjoy being myself now. I never will ever force anyone to do something that will not make them feel comfortable, and uneasy, instead i will choose fate to decide, whether i will continue to know that person or end it instantly. Like my love story, i don't have many like others, but to me having one and special will be a memory for me eternally.

My message is loud and clear, cherish, love, missed choose what is right force or fate, how many times can one live, we are lucky to be able to live in this cycle. Who knows what might happen to us in our next life, what will the other world be. losing it is faster than gaining, do not live to regret, live a life happily and end it without regret. I enjoy, satisfied and treasure what i have now. All i know now is, see the truth over false, rather than learning it the hard way.

My next entry title is "us and united" debut next Monday 8th December 2008.

Debbie
Panzi
Pearline
Tracey
link


October 2008
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