2004 a year which is the most memorable of my life, can be also said the turning point of my life. This is a story which tells about my first love story in my life. I shall titled it "2004". I know her during mid of may 2004, met her through my very good friend. I was also not prepare to think far, but to me, it's just another new friend known at first. The very first conversation, was impactful as we really were into the topic quickly and really share almost the same interests. My impression of her was very well and in the end it prompt me to wanting to meet her more. Frankly speaking, it was really the very first time i felt so excited and heart pumping to know someone like her. Soon enough, we were starting to talk on the phone and every conversation was an exciting and forward looking one.
Then during one of the weekends, she said she was going for camping with her school, so i thought it won't be really long and really didn't think much into it. then for the first night, i felt quite empty and uncomfortable without talking to her, i'm not sure if i'm acting up strangely or something, but i really have the urged to meet her or just talk to her. But i knew it was not going to happen. so the three short looking days just slowly went by, i was quite relief and looking forward to call her again. That very night, i called her and we talked up till quite late, i was really happy when i hear her voice and knew that at least she was fine.
After about a week knowing her, i started to find her near her place, and she lived in the east so will make an effort to travel there at least once a week to visit her. The distance really didn't matter anymore to me but i was really genuinely enjoying the trip there. And this is where the place "rock 13" was uncovered. That was the very first place we enjoyed the sea breeze and watched the sunset together. Soon we were visiting there often. I'm not sure was that even call love at that time, but to me that every single moment was memorable and engraved deep into my memories since then. I didn't told her anything about my affection for her but perhaps i just don't know how to express it. To me, it was best to remain that way for me.
Until, she started to know a new guy, who actually lived near her area, and most amazing of all, i indirectly know the guy. I started to feel jealous and insecure about she leaving me. But who was i to even interfere with her life, i was just a normal friend to her, and whats more, she's not mine. So all can really do at that time was feeling helpless and do nothing but my best to start thinking how to win her heart. I knew i was all alone then and no one can help me. I also finally declared to her that I'm determined to win her heart. So we still do talk every night but these days were different, sometimes she will tell me that she is busy talking to him, and i was too kind to agree in fair competition so we both must have fair amount of time for her. Sometimes out of my curiosity, i would asked her about how much chance i have for her, but she will only replied me both have equal chances.
26th June 2004, the date that really reflects repeatedly in my mind every year till now. I will never forget that day till now, it was like just a usual Monday afternoon, i remember very clearly it was raining quite heavily, and i was preparing a gift to for her and my letter to her. It was really the first time i write a letter and i intend to surprise her by going down her place to visit her. Before i was prepared to meet her, i gave her a call and asked her where she was, and the replied was she was outside with the guy and before i could asked her to meet her, she told me that she agreed to be with him. Immediately, i drop the gift and letters in my hands, but try to got hold of myself, i told her" oh really, well congrats to you, erm....call you back later." I ended the conversation and just went back my room quietly, my family never see me reacting this way before, but just didn't asked me much. I didn't ate that night, was just very tired and blank. I never experience such things before and it was like so painful and heart-wrenching. The pain was more painful then physically felt. That night i called her and she said she was talking to him and she suggested conference. I did agree and congrats the guy and after throughout the one hour plus conversation, i was quiet and listening to them talking, what exactly happened here was very painful and finally i cried, but as silent as i could so as not to affect their mood and not letting them know. Tears just helplessly and naturally kept flowing, i took the letter out and tored it up. I took a new paper and really started writing out how i really feel for her from the bottom of my heart. every word i wrote, a tear just roll down, and eventually dripping on the paper i was writing. that night i just could not take it anymore but just put the phone down without them knowing.
The following few days was nothing much stayed at home and really locked up myself, i fear to face the outside, and none of my friends and family really knew what exactly happened to me. I just choose to kept it all within me, i went down to rock 13 for the very first time alone without her, and really sat there whole day, staring the blank sea, forcing myself and telling myself that she will never be mine anymore, it was just a bad dream. But no matter how hard i try, i just failed to do so, i cannot bring myself to really stop contacting her. So i made the biggest decision of my life, i decided to contact her and don't really care or bother being the third party. I knew i had to really be selfish and determined in order for me to get her. So i finally contacted her and told her that"no matter what it takes, and how much disappointment, i'm willing to wait for her." She did asked me to find someone better but i choose to defy the odds and take the challenge. Although we were not able to talk every night at first but i already knew this will happen.
Until one very fine day, i'm not very sure this is happening, but i guess God was on my side. That guy didn't really care much about her and she started talking to me about their problem. The guy didn't really talk much with her and they don't really behave like couples. But i don't know why, but i keep telling her don't give up on him, give him time to prove himself, and all they need was time. Oh my God, can you imagine, that was what i said, am i really stupid, but in the end she heed my advise and really did what i told her.but she talk to me every now and then and i was always there to solve her problems. I will still go down her place every weekends to meet her and we will always go to rock 13 and sit there whole afternoon and enjoy the breeze, although at times she will feel emotional there, and i will try all i really can to cheer her up. Not forgetting about my determination for her every now and then, but was really enjoying every moment with her.
Soon she was finally having their first month together, but after a few days they broke up, i didn't really think much but expected it to happen as they really didn't improve much, but i was at least relief for now. So everyday was talking to her for me and she even started to say she enjoyed talking to me and thank me for always being there for her and during this period i went to Thailand with my family and wore the lucky band that she made it with her own effort before i went aboard. I was really missing her in another country and when i got back i bought her gifts from aboard.
27th July 2004, it was her birthday and i was preparing a very big surprise for her, i did something which no one really think i will do. I folded 100 cranes for her and during the actual day of her birthday, a Tuesday, i went bought her a cake and necklace. I then rushed down to her place and call her and surprised her. I believed she was very happy and shocked too. But i did not went on to ask her to be with me. But instead choose to keep our status this way.
The shock ending to this story was something that really regret because I left her without notice and i cause her to cry for me but all i know till now it's been fours years plus already, and it really still reflect hard on my past memories, i left having reasons which i do not know how to express it. All i hope for now that she is still happy and doing fine now, cause i'm really sorry for such ending, to me we were together but not official, just underground love, it was really a very memorable and my happiest first love experience. I never regret knowing her and i hoped i could turn back time to 2004 and complete some unfinished business, but i guess i can't do it anymore. Time wait for no one, all i really want to let her know is i'm really sorry and thanks for the memories given, if fated maybe lets meet at rock 13 again, there are where i buried my love and memories for you and it's been fours years since i really went there.
My next entry titled "Is it the end" will debut next Monday 3th November 2008.